Kelly Tatham bio bio this is my bio good for me
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Author Archives: Kelly
Multiverse Dating for Beginners
A surrealist look at the romantic comedy and how each choice creates a new world.
Ivy and Dave are totally hitting it off… until she says the wrong thing and completely freaks him out. TYPICAL. But tonight’s no ordinary night. There’s a glitch in the Matrix, déjà vu in the air, and Ivy gets the chance to see how things will turn out if she plays the dating game differently.
Awards & Screenings
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The New Romantics Teaser Trailer
Director / Co-Writer
Why CBS’s Nancy Drew Adaptation Is All Wrong
CBS just announced they’re developing a drama series based on the iconic Nancy Drew novels. It will be a contemporary take seeing Nancy in her 30s working as an NYPD detective.
Please excuse me while I go throw up.
In elementary school I read the shelves of our library’s Nancy Drew section dry. Then I went to city library. I scrounged every garage sale and bookstore clean. I loved her, I lived through her. And then I grew up and became a mystery writer. It is not an overstatement to say that the stories of Nancy (and George and Bess and Ned and Carson and Hannah) changed my life and shaped me into the person I am today. This is why I can state, with utmost certainty, that Nancy Drew would never work for the NYPD. At least not the Nancy that I know and love.
Nancy is an amateur sleuth. Cases find her, not the other way around. She occasionally works with the local police, but has no credentials. She never accepts payment. She doesn’t carry a gun or need a warrant. Nancy hops towns and sometimes countries to solve the crime du jour, always relying solely on her wits, charm, and friends. (What, is Bess an NYPD secretary? George her tough and jaded former partner, fresh out of rehab and back on the beat? Ned… oh, where will sweet, bland Ned fit in this new adaptation?) Her unofficial capacity always granted her the ability to sleuth how she saw fit — and when she got in trouble, she had no badge to back her up. She relied on people underestimating her. Now if someone underestimates her as an NYPD detective, it will be only because she is a woman.
I have no problem with a reimagining of the series. Of course Nancy should be in her 30s! We spent so much time with her as teen and in her early twenties, we’re hungry for the next chapter. But solving crimes on a police force? I don’t think so.
You know where Nancy should be? In a small town, middle of nowhere, hiding from the mystery that brought her to her knees. She should be uncertain of her future, a little bit broken, and traumatized by the mistake that killed her father or Hannah or Ned. (Don’t tell me she can be in the NYPD this way, that’s just Beckett from Castle.) Maybe she’s dusting a centuries old rocking chair in the small antique shop she manages when the bell above the front door jingles and she looks up to see Bess: pregnant in a frilly pink dress, but ashen and crying. Will Nancy be able to forgive herself and help her friend? Can she solve all the secrets of her adopted home, River Cove? And where, for the love of haunted showboats and secret attics, is George?
I want more than anything to go on new adventures with Nancy. I want to travel to new locales, chase down missing heirlooms, be thwarted by charming magicians, sneak through pirate ship portholes and find hidden hallways. I don’t want Nancy answering to her tough boss, bickering with her will-they-or-won’t-they co-worker, or peeking under sheets laid over dead bodies on the streets of NYC. We’ve seen that a million times.
Nancy is different. Nancy is exciting. Nancy is not a CBS procedural. Producing this version of Nancy Drew (without the heart or soul of the story and character the world has loved for 85 years) proves CBS is only interested in brand recognition and a built-in fan base. Oh, network of the Columbia Broadcasting System, you already have Sherlock and a dozen CSIs, why oh why won’t you give us the Nancy we love, the Nancy we deserve.
Of the Week
TV: Unreal
So I was prepping to talk about how amazing Unreal is while comparing it to my own personal experience working on The Bachelor and was all, “I was just like the PA with the braids except when the boss yelled I wasn’t all cool and chill, I just cried. A lot.” But then I watched the episode where the PA with the braids blew the boss and… No. Ew. Analogy over.
But seriously, this show is awesome, soapy, addictive good times. I mean, guys, it’s a fictionalized reality TV — all the enjoyment of reality TV with zero of the guilt! Everyone else has caught on; you’re way behind. Go watch it now. K. Bye.
Movie: Mad Max
So. Freaking. Badass. If you haven’t already seen it (and loved it) you’re probably thinking, Kelly? Really? That noisy, all crazy-edited, dirt-filled movie trailer with the people painted like homeless mimes? You want me to watch that? And, okay, Mom, you won’t like it. It’s hella violent. But it’s also brilliant, stunning, intelligent, and — I can’t believe I’m saying this — high-octane fun. And the articles you’ve been ignoring are right, it’s also a feminist masterpiece. The director, George Miller, is such a classy guy he even scrolled all the head Visual Effects Artists names before the actors; can’t say no to that.
Book: High-Rise by J.G. Ballard
Whew. That how I felt when I finished this book. It was a journey and it wasn’t always a comfortable one. But the older I get the more certain books are starting to stick with me — and the more that is becoming the most important part of the experience: what I take away from them. The only book that has stuck with me more than High-Rise this year is J.G. Ballard’s collection of short stories, The Terminal Beach. He captures the sick, visceral, selfish, venereal side of humans and how those traits just might dictate our futures in ways like I’ve never read before. (Just consider this a plug for all his work.) High-Rise is a fascinating take on class war through the lens of humans reverting to their animalistic tendencies while maintaining all the shitty habits they’ve picked up on this road we call evolution. Oh, and there’s a movie adaptation staring Tom Hiddleston coming out in the fall.
Album: Of Monsters and Men, Beneath the Skin
Of Monsters and Men bring their atmospheric indie rock back for a second round and it’s just as good as the first. No, it’s probably not going to change your life or land on any super pretentious lists, but it’s as enjoyable as, say, an impromptu dance party in the middle of an empty street on a warm summer night. And I think we can all agree, life could use more of those.
Podcast: Science US!
Vancouver comedians Peter Carlone and Ivan Decker take on the loftiest of goals, making science funny and accessible. It does, in fact, help that they are not scientists (which they will repeatably mention just in case you’ve tuned in mid-cast with the hopes of catching some real, hard scienterrific facts). They are as funny as they are convincing, which is very, and makes me concerned now for all the tidbits I’ll inevitably share at parties that will oh-so-quickly be shot down for being both wildly speculative and mostly untrue. (Or, maybe, they do know what they talking about and I will impress with both my quick wit and theories on the forthcoming robot apocalypse. How am I supposed to know? I am not a scientist.)
Can We Talk About This, Please?
I’ve now lost several hours of my life to this whole Berenstain/Berenstein Bears controversy. While I am 100% Team E, I am willing to admit that thousands of us must just be misrem — NO. NOPE. PARALLEL UNIVERSES. IT HAS TO BE. (Seriously, if you are between the ages of 23 and 33, do not click unless you are willing to have your day ruined/life changed.)
Why This Traveler Will Never Get an eReader
I will never get an e-reader.
No Kindle, Kobo, or Nook shall ever touch these palms. The weight of real books is not too much for me to bear. I will throw out shoes or souvenirs before I dare dream of ditching an unread book. I will zip up my backpack, so full of clothes and half-used toiletries and shake, shake, shake until there is room enough to slip in an extra story or two.
I will never get an e-reader.
Because I want to peruse book shelves not search engines. I want to know a place by the stories left behind. I want to know what part of the world I’m in by the authors lining the shelves. I want to find Keyes in Europe, Crichton in Asia, Coehlo in the Americas, and Dan Brown on every goddamn shelf on the planet.
I will never get an e-reader.
I do not want to choose the next book I read; I want it to choose me. I want to read books I’d never pick up on purpose, books that take me out of my comfort zone to other places and times and worlds and universes. Because that is why I travel: to be surprised; to have my expectations shattered.
I will never get an e-reader.
When the light outside dims and it is too dark for me to see, I do not need to continue reading. I will put my book away and dream of the many adventures ahead of me. (Or I will pull out my trusty headlamp and carry on with the story. I don’t need my book to glow on its own.)
I will never get an e-reader.
Because it is in my human nature to judge, and showing the cover of your book provides no easier method for me to do so. (But we will be friends regardless of what you’re reading, because you are reading and that is all that matters.) And when I check in to a new dorm and resting on the bed across from mine is a pair of tortoise shell glasses and a copy of On the Road, my heart will soar and for a moment I’ll plan our future together. (Or at least how I can be first in line when he finishes his copy.)
I will never get an e-reader.
Because I don’t need everything to be easy and at my fingertips. I don’t need to know the answer right away. I will write down the words I don’t understand and look them up later — or I will ask whomever’s around. I will highlight sections and fold down corners, because the corners of well-worn book are the surest signs of love (and the truest signs of love I understand).
I will never get an e-reader.
Because a dwindling bookshelf is the saddest sight in the world and I will not contribute to its demise. Because leaving a book behind is like leaving a legacy. Because someone else will find the stories I have loved and maybe they will love them too. Because when you happen upon that exact book you’ve been looking for, there is no greater magic. Because there is not enough in this world left to chance.
I will never get a—Oh, shit. Wait a minute… You mean there are almost no English books here? Like basically none at all? You’re saying my only options are The New Testament or Legends of Shannara: The Measure of Magic? Er, this is awkward…
Can someone send me an e-reader?
The Nation of Nowhere
There are people everywhere who form a Fourth World, or a diaspora of their own. They are the lordly ones! They come in all colours. They can be Christians or Hindus or Muslims or Jews or pagans or atheists. They can be young or old, men or women, soldiers or pacifists, rich or poor. They may be patriots, but they are never chauvinists. They share with each other, across all the nations, common values of humour and understanding. When you are among them you know you will not be mocked or resented, because they will not care about your race, your faith, your sex or your nationality, and they suffer fools if not gladly, at least sympathetically. They laugh easily. They are easily grateful. They are never mean. They are not inhibited by fashion, public opinion or political correctness. They are exiles in their own communities, because they are always in a minority, but they form a mighty nation, if they only knew it. It is the nation of nowhere . . .
– Jan Morris
Netflix* Movie Suggestions
Just a few suggestions if you’ve spent the last 20 minutes listlessly scrolling and need help deciding. (More to come, especially after I make my way through my own Netflix list — including, but not limited to Frances Ha, Belle, Tracks, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen) Enough Said – It stars Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Enough said, amirite?! Ha! Anyways… it’s an adorable, adult rom-com. Perfect for viewing at anytime with almost anyone. In Your Eyes – I reviewed it here. No need to read the review, though, just watch the film if you’re in the mood for an unabashed romance. Like, Buffy and Angel-type yearning, but with a brilliant sci-fi/fantasy twist. Also, Zoe Kazan! The Intouchables – You will cry all the tears. It’s in French, so prepare for subtitles. This film will make you appreciate your life more. Chocolat – Remember when Johnny Depp used to be hot? Sigh. Those were the days. You’ve probably already seen Chocolat but it’s been a few years, right? This film is so worth revisiting. It’s romantic; it’s moving; and it’s a little bit magical. (Also, if you ever come across the book, grab it! It’s a wonderful read.) The Reader – As great as Slumdog Millionaire is, I thought The Reader deserved Best Picture in 2008. This is not a hungover Sunday film. This is a Thursday night, I’m wide awake and want to watch something moving, film. Kate Winslet is spectacular. Amélie – This may be the most charming film of all time. You’ve seen it already, right? Right!? I’m assuming you all have, but I’m putting it here just in case. It’s also in French so, yes, subtitles… but that doesn’t hold you back, does it? Reading is fun! I wish more stories incorporated magic realism; it’s pretty much the best. Watch this with red wine and good chocolate and maybe someone you adore. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World – Toronto! Michael Cera! Evil ex-boyfriends! Edgar Wright! If you still haven’t caught this cult film, get on it. It’s got action, romance, and comedy in spades. In Bruges – First of all, ignore Colin Farrell’s character’s tirades. Bruges, the city, is lovely. In Bruges, the movie, is also great. It’s a bit violent and drug-filled, but if you’re down with that, jump right in. The entire cast is brilliant as the plot takes you for a wild ride through the titular, sleepy Belgian town. *Disclaimer: These suggestions are for Netflix Canada. Sorry. Maybe your country’s Netflix will have a few of these. I least I hope so, eh?
